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<\/figure>\n\n\n\nPutting yourself in your partner\u2019s financial hands can spell trouble if things don\u2019t work out. Some therapists recommend signing an official agreement prior to move-in.
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\u201cCouples should consider writing an agreement, similar to a prenuptial agreement, about what would happen if they split up,\u201d suggests marriage and family therapist Lauren Consul<\/a>. \u201cIt\u2019s important to have conversations about who would own what stuff if [you\u2019re] ever to split up. This can be a difficult conversation, but necessary if one partner is getting rid of certain items and the couple is using the other partner\u2019s items instead.\u201d A pre-move-in prenup might also protect you legally, according to family law attorney Meredith Lehmann<\/a>. \u201cWithout a cohabitation agreement, the court treats an unmarried couple as strangers. Things that a cohabitation agreement can control is rent or mortgage payments, large purchases, debt accumulated during a relationship (and who is responsible for which debt), insurance, shared bank accounts, etc. A cohabitation agreement is kind of like an insurance policy\u2013it\u2019s better to have it than to bet most of your savings on your relationship lasting forever, or your significant other not being a jerk in the event you do break up.\u201d It\u2019s important to discuss what happens if things don\u2019t work out when moving in together, but it\u2019s also important to talk about what happens if things do. Deanna Fernandez, MHC, a New York-based psychotherapist<\/a> knows this well. \u201cExplore your motivations for moving in and discuss what you value (i.e. marriage, children) before moving in, as most couples \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcslide\u2019 into marriage (and divorce) without fully assessing their own values.\u201d \u201cSometimes moving in with your partner seems like the logical, simple next step,\u201d Jennifer Zigler, LMHC<\/a> adds. \u201cBut what can get lost is discussing the deeper issues, like commitment, money, and the ways you care for each other.\u201d Having a clear sense of what you each value and where you think the relationship is going next will help you evaluate the long-term goals of the relationship and lead to a happier cohabitation. Once you\u2019re set on why you\u2019re moving in together, it\u2019s time to get down to the minutia, including the topic that\u2019s the second highest cause of divorce in the US<\/a>: money. \u201c[Before moving in together], have an honest conversation about finances,\u201d coaches Dr. Alisha Powell<\/a>. “Will you split the bills 50-50 or cover some exclusively? Does your partner believe in waiting until the last minute before paying, or do they pay head of time? Talk about how much you both will allot towards household expenses, and consider putting something aside for incidentals or emergencies.\u201d With the air cleared on money, you\u2019ll have a better understanding of your situation. You\u2019ll be able to focus on the more fun parts of getting a place to live together. When you move in with your partner, you\u2019ll go from seeing them a few hours a week to being together all the time. That can be a challenge for many reasons. One of them, as couples counselor Raffi Bilek<\/a> explains, is \u201cFinding out things about your partner you didn\u2019t know before. And they won\u2019t all be good! No matter how long you\u2019ve been together and how well you know each other, changing to a cohabitating situation brings up new opportunities to see things you didn\u2019t see before.\u201d Discussing these nuances–including your own pet peeves and your bad habits–before moving in together can reduce friction. \u201cIt helps to prepare for those discoveries instead of being surprised!\u201d As you learn new things about your partner and encounter new obstacles, there is one golden rule psychologist Rachel Tomlinson<\/a> swears by: open communication. \u201cYou need to communicate. Talk about rules and expectations you have of one another: who takes the rubbish out? Who does what chores? How are bills split?\u201d And being communicative goes beyond chores and bills. Talk openly with your partner about anything that bothers you, doubts you have, and outstanding questions. Staying open with your partner will make your cohabitation stable and enjoyable. \u201cIn terms of couples moving in together, mess is one of the top three relationship concerns for couples, along with money and kids,\u201d explains psychologist and couples therapist Hannah Koch<\/a>. \u201cOne person might detest doing dishes, but not mind taking out the garbage. One person might not mind a slightly dirty kitchen, but hate a dirty bathroom.\u201d So how do you keep the mess at bay? Koch recommends a contract–or, if you\u2019re going the cohabitation contract route, a section of the contract–focused on cleaning. \u201cDetail each person\u2019s responsibilities. It may seem artificial at first, but it is so helpful to talk through what each person does and does not like to do. So often couples have unrealized expectations ahead of time. Just having the discussion is a huge start, but it\u2019s helpful to get everything down on paper in a relationship contract which can be as formal or informal as the couple likes.\u201d The result? A cleaner house, and less fighting about who takes out the trash. While much of moving in together is focused on being together, marriage and family therapist Dr. Racine Henry believes it\u2019s just as important to focus on staying independent. \u201cMake sure each partner holds on to parts of their individual routine. Living together for the first time can lead couples to do everything together because the other person is right there. While cohabiting, it is extremely important that each partner has their own experiences separate from the other. Whether this means still doing monthly girls\u2019 nights, or continuing to have drinks after work once a week, don\u2019t be so intertwined that each of you loses your sense of self.\u201d Moving in together is so exciting that sometimes, you forget that it might not<\/em> work out. But there\u2019s a chance you could break up, and it\u2019s important to prepare for that possibility before you move in together. \u201cMoving in with someone can definitely give you more information about your compatibility with your partner, but it can also make it harder to break up,\u201d explains marriage therapist Rachel Thomasian<\/a>. \u201cI know that doesn\u2019t sound like such a bad thing, but you\u2019re more likely to stay with (and marry) someone you otherwise wouldn\u2019t when you live together. Some of those outside constraints, like having a pet, sharing rent, owning furniture together are extra considerations that when added up make it harder to break up, so people stick it out.\u201d Thomasian coaches only moving in together if you\u2019re certain you\u2019ll have a long term relationship with them. \u201cGo into cohabitation with intention. The couples who \u00e2\u20ac\u02dcaccidentally\u2019 move in together because someone had an emergency situation are worse off than couples who move in together because they want to take the next step in their relationship.\u201d While moving in together is a serious affair that requires deep thought, it\u2019s not all about contracts and planning. It\u2019s about taking the next, fun step with your significant other. You shouldn\u2019t let your frustrations about the little things squander that. \u201cIt should be a learning experience,\u201d LPC Rich Oswald<\/a> advises. \u201cNot a debate on whose way is better.\u201d Keep going on dates, find new things to do together, and enjoy having time together. After all, that\u2019s what being in a relationship is all about.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Ready to take the plunge and move in together? Start off on the right foot by getting help instead of squabbling like an old married couple. With Dolly<\/a>, you\u2019ll get on-demand moving help from our Helpers at an affordable price. Book a Dolly<\/a> to make moving in together a breeze.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Moving in together is an exciting step forward in any relationship. You\u2019ll get to see your significant other all the time, you can save money and time traveling to see them, and you\u2019ll get to be with your best friend all the time. Cohabitation is just a giant sleepover that never ends, right? Well, not […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":4096,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_coblocks_attr":"","_coblocks_dimensions":"","_coblocks_responsive_height":"","_coblocks_accordion_ie_support":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_lmt_disableupdate":"","_lmt_disable":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[644937427],"tags":[644935432,10049,644937801,644937609],"class_list":["post-4092","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-moving","tag-featured","tag-moving","tag-moving-as-a-couple","tag-moving-in-together"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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<\/p>\n\n\n\nBefore You Move In, Discuss What Comes Next<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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<\/p>\n\n\n\nBuild Your Cohabitation Budget<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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<\/p>\n\n\n\nExpect to Learn New Things About Your Partner<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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<\/p>\n\n\n\nCommunication is Key<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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<\/p>\n\n\n\nEstablish a Cleaning Contract to Keep Your Cohabitation Space Clear<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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<\/p>\n\n\n\nKeep Up Your Social Life Without Your Significant Other<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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<\/p>\n\n\n\nKnow That Breaking Up is Hard…er to Do After You Live Together<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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<\/p>\n\n\n\nKeep Cohabitation Fun<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n